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Journey to My Miracle


This had to be the most awkward seven minute car ride I?d ever encountered with him. My husband had always been pretty laid back but the worried look in his face made me uneasy. We had been here before and it ended in tears and disappointment. As much as I wanted to be excited I just couldn?t I was worried and that wasn?t of me either. Glancing over at me, my husband smiled admiring the strength in me. We pulled into the parking lot of Dr. A?s office . She had been my doctor for the past three and a half years through this whole journey so she had also become my peace. Any bit of spoken hope I had came from her. I can remember those words she spoke the last time I saw her which was just 12 days before. "Ebone? according to this paperwork, you will never have children but don?t let that discourage you because God has the final say so." "Absolutely, I guess I'm just tired Doctor. You know?" "As you should be but, I've seen cases like yours in many forms and believe me these things have a way of working themselves out. In most cases for the greater good." She always provided encouragement and even a few laughs following every appointment. We stepped into the office and as always greeted by Ms Gloria and Brittney with smiles . The wait to be called was another long cryptic silence . This feeling was the worst thing I had ever experienced in my life . B it was that of terror and nausea to top it off. When they called my name to the back I almost couldn?t move. I took a big sigh of "Here goes nothing" and proceeded towards Gloria, who handed me a cup for a urine sample. I waited for the results of the pregnancy test as if I hadn?t taken 4 at home 3 nights before. The way Ms. Glorias face lit up was confirmation I was indeed pregnant but for how long ? I wasn?t one for negative thought but this time I refused to be disappointed so I prepared for the worst and prayed for the best. Would this be my third miscarriage ? B and I sat in the room waiting patiently for doc to come in . We needed her encouragement because we were both still in shock. When she opened that door she was all smile and excitement . She sat down and said "Well, you are definitely pregnant and I?m gonna find a way to keep you that way." I say "Ok, well tell me how because another miscarriage is what I can?t do. The emotional breakdown of it has taken its toll." Brandon finally breaks his silence and says the worst thing in the world. "I read up on some of the reasons for repeated miscarriages, and in one of the articles there is something about a hostile uterus." He relayed "Now being that no one has been able to tell us what is causing them or why she only gets pregnant every 12 months besides the possibility of anovulation which is why we did the multiple rounds of Clomid could that be the problem? It?s called a hostile uterus correct ?" "Actually Brandon it could be" she stated with a smile, impressed with his research. "So we should refrain from all sexual activity then correct?" he goes with a straight face never looking at me. It was as if he could feel the heat from the hole I was burning in him with my eyes . What the hell were these two trying to say . I?m the hormonal one and they were making life or death decisions for my hormones . The nerve of them. She slides her chair back and raises the folder up to her face as if I were going to throw something at her and goes "Ahem, no sexual intercourse until after the first trimester." while peeking over the folder to catch my reaction . My jaw dropped but I knew it was for my own good so I didn?t contest but Brandon would be hearing from me in the car though for suggesting such a horrible thing . Who did he think he was ? Damn my husband !!!

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